A long, long time!

Well, it's June 21st and I haven't written anything in 2 years! I am committing to write on here at least once a week from now on! Well, I got married August 6th, 2005 to such a wonderful man and the last two years have been full of fun and laughter and trials!

I have lost myself and miraculously found myself again in the last two years. And becuase I have found myself I think I finally have something to tell.

We lived in St. Louis for the first year of our marriage and things started off well enough, we had jobs and were going to church at aplace where i felt completely at home. I felt like it was apart of me b/c I had heard about this church since I was 12. Part of my church family in CO was from this church, they had walked the same halls and known the people there. We made friends and started to get hooked in. And slowly as happens in life we faded out, work took over, it was "harder" to get up and go to church...harder to pray...harder to trust...

Soon we were both discontented with St. louis and everyone there...even though God had blessed me with the two most wonderful girls I have ever known. Work was awful, people were awful...I was full of self-pity...I was lost in my husband's confusion over his life....and before I knew it i was gone...angry, hurt and full of spite. I was a me I had never known, never wanted to be...

I doubted everything, the love of my husband, my faith in God, God's very existence. This went on for months...even when Trey got a new job back in Memphis, back where all the world was "right." I have been watching the world spin around me wondering what it was all for, why I was here, why it even mattered....things I had NEVER thought or questioned in my life.

Finally one weekend, on a sad trip back to St. Louis to pick up a bridesmaid dress I was not going to get to wear, and to be with my dearest friend Courtney in her time of trial, I just woke up, snapped out it. Courtney, Charity (the two friends from before), Jenna (Charity's sister-in-law), and I were sitting in Charity's living room talking about girls and women and our lives and callings and God lit my heart on fire and said "Brittney, here I am, I've been here, I've been waiting..." Jenna sat talking abou ta ministry she is starting called "HERMOSA" and how she wants to have conferences and focus on teenage girls. She wants to nurture their very fragile spirits and give them the tools to make good choices and live their lives for God and by doing this to gain all the blessings God has for them. She wants them to be independent, to grow in beauty by growing in Spirit of God....and I was hooked...Jenna shares my vision only mine was a feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

God made us as women amazing and captivating creatures. We can be strong and beautiful and amazing if someone takes the time to nuture and teach...or all that can slip away because there is no one to help us grow into our beauty, we get lost in a boy or an image. I want women to be brave and strong, I want us to have a passion in everything we do. I want us to have a Biblical outlook on life, not to conquer the world but to have a quiet spirit and gentle heart and know that in God we are more amazing than anyone can fathom. To have spirits that would draw people to use and so to God. I was reading John 15 this morning and I just love verse 5..."I am the vine you are the branches, he who abides in me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing." I justimagine if we all lived that way daily, if I lived that way daily, how powerful would we be for Christ?

All that to say, I am sold out for Christ and his purpose for me, for us, as women and I am going to try to write daily of God and His Word and how it can help us be women like no man has ever known!

until tomorrow, in Christ's Love!

Scripture: Ephesians 2